TOP TEN DRAFT PICKS OF 2008
(Based on the whole package: skills, personality and superficial features)
1. Steven Stamkos (age: 18, from: Scarborough, ON)
- Drafted to Tampa Bay Lightning
- Gets points for loving the Leafs and being the #1 Draft Pick
- Loses points for loving Hollister
I give him a 10/10 because you can never go wrong with the #1s of the Draft Picks. I mean, look at Sidney Crosby for crying out loud.
2. Zach Bogosian (age: 18, from: Massena, NY)
- Drafted to Atlanta Thrashers
- Gets points for reading Harry Potter (it takes a true fan to admit they read the series)
- Loses points for those extreme eyebrows. I've never seen a tranny play hockey before...
I give him a 6/10 because he seems TRES boring. Those eyebrows saved him from a 5!
3. Drew Doughty (age: 19, from: London, ON)
- Drafted to LA Kings
- Gets points for being a true loser and watching The Hills (fucker)
- Loses points because he watches The Hills and the fact that I know NOTHING about his ass
He gets 4/10 for being a no one and going to the fucking LA Kings (who's bright idea was it to give that place a team?)
4. Tyler Myers (age: 18, from: Houston, TX)
- Drafted to Buffalo Sabres
- Gets points for his 6'7" build! That nigger goalie can just stand in front of the net, shake his hips a couple times and watch the puck bounce right off!
- Loses points for being too tall (sorry for being so superficial)
I give him an 8/10 for being so damn cool. Less two points of perfect for being tall and an unfair advantage for a crap team.
5. Luke Schenn (age: 19, from: Saskatoon, SK)
- Drafted to the mother-fucking LEAFS!! YEAH!
- Gets points for being in the Leafs and that smile
- Loses points for not getting here sooner! (and liking Rascal Flatts)
10/10!! He's amazing a what he does, beats the shit out of his opponents and is really good-looking. PERFECT!
6. Alex Pietrangelo (age: 18, from: King City, ON)
- Drafted to St. Louis Blues
- Gets points for being adorable
- Loses points for being B-O-R-I-N-G!
He gets 6/10 for not putting his life out there for me to stalk.
7. Kyle Beach (age:18, from: North Vancouver, BC)
- Drafted to Chicago Blackhawks
- Gets points for going to such an underrated team and having that foreign European look to him
- Loses points for liking the fucking Habs (EW!)
I give him 7/10. That foreign look is saving his ass right now...
8. Zach Boychuk (age: 19, from: Calgary, AB)
- Drafted to Carolina Hurricanes (yay, Eric Staal!)
- Gets points for being able to balance post-secondary school AND professional hockey
- Loses points for his skin (I know, mine sucks, too, but it doesn't show in pictures)
He gest 7/10 for being a student... that's hot.
9. Cody Hodgson (age: 18, from: Haliburton, ON)
- Drafted to Vancouver Canucks
- Gets points for having Sidney Crosby as a favourite hockey player
- Loses points for every thing else
Hate to say it: 1/10. I think the picture speaks for itself. He has NOTHING to prove his has personality, either.
10. Colin Wilson (age: 19, from: Greenwich, CT)
- Drafted to Nashville Predators
- Gets points for his blond hair and blue eyes
- Loses points for that 70s hair cut (GROSS!)
He gets 3/10 for being funny. You can't have that hair cut and NOT know you look like an idiot, right?
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